Let it Go

Sometimes we're uninspired in a number of ways: maybe we're simply bored and don't know what to do. Maybe we're stuck in that writing slump and just don't know how to go on. Maybe there's that one day that we can't figure out what to post on our blogs. Maybe we open our Bibles, ready to spend time in God's word . . . only to find that we don't even know where we want to read, and when we do read, it doesn't sink into our hearts.

Last year, I felt so uninspired spiritually. I felt like I was just going through the motions, being the good girl that everyone expected. I felt like a fake, which I technically was. I was miserable. I could smile, I could act happy . . . but it was all an act. An act to keep everyone on the outside from seeing what was going on inside me. Because if I didn't even care about myself, why should everyone else? In a way, I felt almost abandoned by God.

But you know what I found out? I realized that I really wasn't abandoned. I was the one abandoning. In 2018, I realized that I was grasping things so tightly, I was cutting myself and didn't know how to let go without bleeding to death. Maybe that's a terrible analogy, but . . . it's kind of the way things were. I felt like I was being left behind by the ones I loved dearly, and . . . I didn't want to let them go. I wasn't ready to let go.

But change happens. Much as we hate it sometimes, it happens. Much as it hurts sometimes, it happens. 

And y'all, it's okay. 

I learned something very important over the new year: let it go. It's so hard to let go of things near and dear to you. It's so hard to trust God with it. It's so hard to say, "God, I don't know what's going to happen, but I give it all to You and I trust You with everything." Oh, my, it's hard. I think I'll be working on that for the rest of my life.

I'm someone who likes to have all her ducks in a row, everything safe and sound, and I like to be the one taking care of it all. I like to be the one that people depend on. I like to be in the spotlight.

But it doesn't work that way.

I need to be willing to step back and let God take control. Let Him take the wheel. Eventually I said, "God, I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry, I should've given it all to You in the first place." But y'know what? It's not just a one-time thing. It's something we do repeatedly for as long as we live. And my oh my, it's worth it, y'all. Let it go. And experience His mercy like you've never experienced it before.

Because even though we mess up, even though we're sinners that will never be perfect, even though we feel like hopeless wretches . . . mercy said no.

Let that sink in for a minute. Mercy said no, y'all.

Oh, thank You, Jesus, mercy said no.